Let me start by saying that as you read this I am either a moving (most likely in the rain) or unpacking. Either way I am probably already over the whole process. Also this is a lengthy post about my thoughts....just a warning.
My roommate sent me the above quote a few weeks ago when I was
having a rather rough day and for some reason it really resonated with me. I
can admit that in high school I chased people. I chased friendships that were
never going to make it. I chased relationships that weren’t going to happen. I
did it all because I was so terrified of letting go, being alone and mainly
because I thrived on relationships.
When I got into college I realized most of the friendships
weren’t going to make it through my four years of college. I instead found new
friends and made a pact with myself to never chase after someone. If they didn’t
want to be in my life then why should I want them there? Note this is far
easier to say that to actually do but I did my best.
Fast forward to now, I graduated college, weeded out the
so/so friends, added a few more awesome ones to the list and now I couldn’t
imagine my life without them. The only problem is I, without meaning to, went
back to my old habits. I am chasing people but in a different way than normal.
I chase the idea of being close to them. Secretly I am afraid that if I move
too far away I will lose them and let me tell you I have some of the most
amazing girlfriends ever. I chase the idea that if I don’t move things won’t
completely change. While I thrive on change in some areas of my life there are
others that if possible I would freeze forever. Problem is time doesn’t stop.
More and more of my friends are getting married, starting their lives and
continuing their story.
I realized when my roommate sent me that quote that I
somehow made my dreams second to my friends. Don’t get me wrong my friends’
happiness, love and life are of the up most importance but not above my dreams
and my happiness. I may lose a few more throughout the years but regardless of
my location, job, marital status or anything else those friends would have left
anyways. Besides I know who my true friends are. I know, that no matter where I
decide I want to move to next or what new and crazy future plan I have for
myself or none of the above, they will always support me and make to visit no
matter where I end up in life.
So now I start looking toward the future, which may call for
a few drinks to be chased as well (the future is seriously scary and unknown).
I have to make my dreams come true; no one else can do that for me. So while
right now no changes are in the works, I think I need to quit looking at what
it would be for everyone else and start thinking about what it would mean for
me.
Does anyone else ever feel this way? Ever have that moment when you realize you can't live hoping things stay the same? If so, I would love to know I am not the only out there like this.
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